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Monday 4th December 2017

 

Absolutely of no consequence in the grand scheme of things but I'd like to share with you a picture of a rather fine piece of tiling behind the cooker.   This is part of the finishing touches to Lottie’s extension. The choice of tile and the sticking on of tiles is all down to Lottie’s mum Helen, I merely was on hand to cut the tiles that needed cutting with my hand held power circular saw with a diamond cutter  - very satisfying.  To me there's a touch of Roman Mosaic and Maori Art in there somewhere.

 

Like I said, one bottle of Jamesons!

logo original spitfire tiles record player

Wednesday 6th December 2017

 

Absolutely of no consequence in the grand scheme of things but don't you get totally p*ss*d off when the 'music' is so loud you can't hear yourself think.  Usually it's at a wedding reception or an old farts birthday party.  Well let me tell you that all that is needed is a smoochy Perry Como singing in the background maybe a touch of Joe Loss, Johnny Cash, Dusty Springfield, Bing, Frank or Dean.  OK Bill Haley, Chuck Berry, Russ Conway, Lonnie Donnegan,  Chris Barber or Acker Bilk if you must but all of it in the background coming from vinyl at 33 1/3 through an HMV record player with a valve amplifier and old fashioned woofers that gently caress the air around you but don't loosen your teeth or the plaster.  And a DJ that only speaks when he’s spoken to.   #And I love you so!

 

Like I said, one bottle of Jamesons!

Thursday 7th December 2018

 

I'd just like to apologise for the occasional use of four, five, six, seven and eight letter words in this blog, sometimes I forget that somebody might be reading this before the watershed but quite what the watershed means I'm afraid I don’t know.  Anyway, let's say it's easy to get carried away when you think that nobody's listening.  Don't you think?

 

I expect you can tell I've done the Christmas cards and I'm searching for another project.  I'm not short of ideas or enthusiasm but when it comes to action ......... there is the problem.  So, if you have any ideas of how I might usefully spend my time, bearing in mind there might not be much of it left, please let me know.   I am told that I have healing powers so for starters I am going to lay my hands on this ******* ******** ***** ***** ******* computer.

father christmas

Friday 8th December 2017

 

Today we had a magical experience; we went to meet Father Christmas at the North Pole with our little Lottie.  Well it wasn’t quite the North Pole but Chessington Garden Centre had done their best to make it look like the North Pole.  Impossible to describe the scene except that the sparkly moments and the magic seemed to go on forever.  You will note that Father Christmas no longer invites children on to his knee or give them a Christmas hug, it is now seen as inappropriate which I think is a bit of a shame.  Anyway, Christmas hugs to all my readers, inappropriate or not.  And a special hug to all my readers in Stoneleigh and Putney - now that is inappropriate!  Isn't it?  

 

Saturday 16th December 2017

 

Just been learning about Multiple Universes where we all exist in worlds in which we all made different decisions every millisecond.   How bloody ridiculous is that, don’t all these Scientists, Cosmologists, Quantum Physics Professors know that that is impossible?  

 

Just been learning about Multiple Universes where we all exist in worlds in which we all made different decisions every millisecond.   How bloody ridiculous is that, don’t all these Scientists, Cosmologists, Quantum Physics Professors know that that is impossible?   

 

Just been learning about Multiple Universes where we all exist in worlds in which we all made different decisions every millisecond.   How bloody ridiculous is that, don’t all these Scientists, Cosmologists, Quantum Physics Professors know that that is impossible?  

 

Ok maybe they’re right?  Ok maybe they’re right?  Ok maybe they’re right? …….. Jingle Bells Sam help me out here please.

 

Sunday 17th December 2017

 

Thanks Sam.  According to the latest theory there are Universes out there where everything that has happened didn't happen and everything that didn't happened did happen, so it stands to reason that there is definitely a Universe out there where www.walktowork.co.uk went Universal.  TAXI.

 

Tuesday 19th December 2017  (Nearly Winter Solstice)

 

If you listen to the boffins on the latest Multiverse Theory they will tell you that everything can be reduced to mathematical equations and binary code (including you and me) .  It follows that we could do away with all forms of transport; vehicles, roads, railway lines, aircraft, airports etc. In other words everything and everybody will be de-materialised and re-materialised at the touch of a button.  'Beam me up Lottie!'  It's something I've been working on in my shed for years!

 

Incidentally my ancient laptop has responded to ‘the laying on of hands’, I am now in a Parallel Universe!  (I know Sam, too many exclamation marks.)

 

chesso

A Very Happy Christmas

from Father Christmas, Rudolph and  Bob.

cottage in the snow 2017

Friday 22nd December 2017  (Nearly Christmas)

 

The weather here in Cobham is not very Christmassy so once again I will be ordering a few sacks of snow from Ontario where they have buckets (provided I can get a good Trade Deal!) .  Decorating your house for Christmas has now become a bit of a competition in this part of the world so if mine is covered in snow I should be in for a prize don't you think?  The problem will be keeping it from melting so a frosty atmosphere around the house might be called for?

 

Only joking - Merry Christmas.

Monday 25th December 2017  Jingle Bells.

 

Well it’s Christmas Day and I’ve nothing better to do than to blog, aren’t you lucky?  So a Very Merry Christmas to you.  Christmas Eve we took Lottie, she's now nearly 4, to St Andrew's Church Cobham which was overflowing and lovely despite the many references to sheep poo in the Nativity Play, which in my mind was a touch inappropriate but there you go.

 

When I was 4 in 1943 my parents took me to St Andrews Oxshott where there was no mention of sheep poo as far as I remember.  We were in the middle of the war and little did we know that a year later we would be bombed to hell but that is another story which you will find earlier in this blog.  Reminiscing again, sorry about that but that's what Christmas is all about don't you think?  I hope you are inspired by your Christmas presents.  I am, Father Christmas brought me a few paint brushes and some tubes of acrylic so be prepared for a few masterpieces! But I will need a lesson or two first Mrs G - please.

holly

Monday 1st January 2018

 

Many thanks for persevering with Bob’s Blog.  A Happy, Healthy, Inspired and Prosperous New Year to you.  And may you be spared too much of anything – except love.   Now that sounds a bit philosophical for me but what it means is don’t eat the vegetables served up at The Carvery Sunday Lunch at The Swan in Thames Ditton, they are disgusting, but at the same time be nice to everybody including the waitress and other road users.  That’s my New Year Resolution.

 

Friday 5th January 2018

 

Yesterday I was kind to all the other road users on the M25, even though there were 7 accidents, frequent ‘stand stills’, foul weather and many provocations on the way to South Essex Crematorium.  No, it wasn’t me.  Goodbye Clive.  On the way back all other road users were kind to me.

 

Sunday 7th January 2018

 

Way back in 1977 when I was thinking about saving for a pension but decided I couldn't afford to and in any case my retirement year was so far into the future it probably would never arrive.  Well 14 years ago it did arrive, so the moral of this story is it's never too early to start saving for your pension.  Pretty boring stuff to reflect upon on your birthday but then again according to Google Analytics this blog registers very high on the boring scale so I have a reputation to keep up.  As Judi Dench said when she played Mrs Henderson 'who gives a fiddler's fuck'.  Which is very unlike Judi don't you think?  Anyway with any luck I reckon I might just have ruined my reputation Sam.

 

Monday 8th January 2018

 

Happy birthday Elvis.  83 today!

Wednesday 10th January 2018

 

Now my attempts with the paint brush have been many and varied in the past but with renewed enthusiasm I am putting my Christmas and Birthday presents to good use.  I am inspired by Maggi Hambling who seems to drink lots of whisky when wielding the paint brush so I thought I might do the same!  Sorry Mrs G but I would still like a lesson or two from you whilst sketching in the field – maybe?

 

These first creations are inspired from I know not where except that the black and white cows  from Aylings Farm Oxshott strolling down Blundell Lane come from a black and white photograph I have of the same scene taken in about 1950.  All pictures, so far, are post card size on A4 sheet which at the moment suit my aspirations.  The portraits unsurprisingly are not commissioned but I am open to suggestions – kind ones please!  

 

Saturday 13th January 2018

 

Terribly sorry to force my creations on you (below) but I plan to replace them with something a little more acceptable when I’ve had a lesson or two.  What was that – don’t bother?

 

Monday 15th January 2018

 

The most important thing, as Maggi Hambling says, “If you’re going to be an artist, you have to make your art your best friend – so whatever you’re feeling, you can go to it. If you’re tired, bored, happy, randy or sad, you go to your work and have a conversation.”

 

Now I don't wish to take you on a pointless journey but I'd like to explore this desire to create which I suspect is in all of us and if it isn’t it should be.  If you have avidly read this blog you will have discovered that I have spent some 40 plus years at the engineering drawing board which you might think would leave me with a touch of talent and a desire to create in this direction, not so, until now, maybe.  Like many of us I have dabbled with paint brushes in the past but never really got to grips with it.  Mainly because there are so many talented artists out there which makes you think, why bother?  In recent months I have discovered and been blown away with the incredible creations eminating from the end of a paint brush, including yours Mrs G.

 

So what has happened to create this desire?  Difficult to pin down but in my case I guess my father and his brother were pretty handy with the paint brush so maybe it is in the genes.  But why leave it so late?  Dear Reader, I have a great desire to paint a haystack.  Not any old haystack but one that I studied in great detail from my pram way back in 1939.  This picture at the moment is in my head and only in my head and there you have it, the desire to create.  Which might happen if I can stop the end of my paint brush from shaking!  And in case you missed it this is a picture of my haystack.

 

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Harvest time 1939.  Little Heath Farm Cottages, Steels Lane, Oxshott.

 

Ayling's Farm Haystacks and Rickyard in the background.  Brickfield chimney just visible in the haze.  War is about to be declared.  Air raid shelter to be constructed under my pram.  Cottages blown to pieces in April 1944 with me and 6 others inside!

Cute?

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OK so tell me where I'm going wrong?  Not enough whiskey?

 

Incidentally it's Irish Whiskey and Scotch Whisky.  So either is acceptable.

21st January 2018

 

Bob's Gallery (Free Entry!)

Wednesday 24th January 2018

 

I’d just like to record that I have had an outside water meter fitted which may save some money if we don’t drink, wash, bath, water the garden or flush the toilet.  The water pipe bringing water into the house has not been disturbed since it was laid in 1935 and it is lead.  The symptoms of lead poisoning are pretty horrendous which, I’ve decided, could be the reason for all my ailments and shortcomings.  We’ve only been here 47 years so maybe if I get a new water pipe fitted it might reverse the effects?

 

Apart from that yesterday was Lottie’s fourth birthday party and she would like to say hello.

 

Apart from that I was welcomed into the Cobham Art Group yesterday which was, for me, quite a significant event as the last time I joined a club was in 1956 when I joined The Oxshott Working? Men’s Club.  The results might appear in my Gallery but don’t hold your breath.  The artistic creations I mean and not the Snooker results!    

IMG_0994 a IMG_1000

I'm four today!

Cobham Art Group busily creating.

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Saturday 27th January 2018

 

This weekend I should be counting birds in my garden for the Great RSPB Bird Survey.  But we are still arguing about if you see the same sparrow twice do you put down one or two?  So instead I’ll tell you a short boring story about my latest creation. Many years ago I went to Venice and took a picture of a ‘Ferro’ in the moonlight, a ‘Ferro’ is that iron bit on the front of a Gondola which apparently is there for a counter balance weight to the Gondolier at the back but why it’s shaped like a vicious comb I haven’t a clue.  Anyhow, more recently I have been impressed by various pictures (including yours Mrs G) of Gondola’s bobbing about on the water so I thought I would have a go.  It’s acrylic on an A4 sheet.  PS Don’t ask me how I recognise sparrows.  

art3

Wednesday 31st January 2018

 

Now this one has nothing to do with an eclipse of the sun.  If you look in the mirror with a magnifying glass on your eye you will see your black Pupil surrounded by an explosion of light, the colour depends on your age and condition but in this (my) case it is yellow but sparkly ultramarine before you get to the blood shot bit!  Superimposed on the Pupil, just in case you don’t recognise it is Planet Earth.  Why?  Not sure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A little closer to home is my attempt at Cobham Mill in charcoal.  I understand that every artist in the district will have a go at Cobham Mill at some point (right Mrs G?) so I thought I would join the club, although I have to say that I didn’t count on most of the charcoal ending up everywhere except on the paper.  Jeepers what a state to get in!  You would think after 48 years on the drawing board I would be a bit more careful.  By the way if you are interested in purchasing any of these creations you know where I am.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday 4th February 2018

 

I’ll leave you to make your own mind up about where this one came from but it’s not me.  At least I don’t think so.  Just between you and me I feel like I’m just beginning to discover a link between spending 48 years at the drawing board and producing a work of art worth looking at.  I guess all you established artists out there know what I am trying to describe, ‘intangible’ I think is the word.  During my time at the drawing board, apart from drawing all sorts of bits including aeroplane bits, I must have drawn ten thousand pipe support brackets, each one a work of art I’ve decided and if you are lucky you might be treated to one before too long.  Although my ancient laptop is so ******* slow now I’ll probably be dead before it decides to ‘respond’.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday 6th February 2018

 

Now I have no wish to inflict upon you any more amateur attempts with the paint brush so, following another session at The Cobham Art Group today I came up with my take on Suffrage Campaigner Lady Edith, Marchioness of Londonderry – mostly in pencil.  Seeing as how it is 100 years today since women got the vote I thought I might add my contribution in admiration of all you ladies out there in high places and may there be many more.   Why Lady Edith?  She is on the front cover of the National Trust Magazine and I’ve fallen in love – again!  She looks better on the front cover by the way.

 

Thursday 8th February 2018

 

And in case you didn't spot the link on the home page you can find details of Cobham Art Group if you click HERE.

 

They are currently (until the end of February 2018) exhibiting their work at the Leatherhead Theatre.

(Except from 11th - 15th Feb'.)

 

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Monday 12th February 2018

 

Just been watching Countryfile on BBC, they were interviewing Bill Gates in connection with his interest in the link between science and agriculture.  Shocked I was, he looks older than me and yet he is 16 years younger than me, now either he has not been taking his daily fix of Bio-Quinone or I haven't looked in the mirror recently.  Back in 1969 I was living in Seattle and he was probably in his Dad's garage next door working on his binary code.  What has that got to do with the price of fish?  Not a lot except that in one sense it was probably the nearest I got to success.  

 

Apart from that my 'gallery' of artwork is growing by the day as I have been inspired by my art group colleagues who incidentally are currently exhibiting their work in the foyer of Leatherhead Theatre.   It's well worth a visit and if you happen to bump into Emma White who looks after the Gallery Exhibition, you will discover that she is also an inspiring and celebrated artist who has exciting plans and ideas to promote local artists.   I wonder what it is that you need to do before you can call yourself an ‘artist’?  Spend 48 years on the drawing board maybe?

 

Friday 16th February 2018

 

www.cobhamartgroup.co.uk is now ‘live’ which is more than can be said of me!

 

 

Sunday 18th February 2018

 

Dear Reader

 

It's been a long time since I heard from you, a very long time, I hope you are OK, relaxed and in control.  If not my daughter Emma together with her friend Lucy are now qualified Hypnotherapists and operate in the Complementary Health Clinic in Claygate.   Their website is www.blueskyhypno.com so if you need help with relaxing or you have sleeping problems I would recommend them.   And if you would like a taster of what it’s like to go into trance then contact me and I will send you a recording (mp3) of Emma transporting you into a beautiful place.

 

Lots of love

 

Bob

 

Friday 23rd February 2018

 

If you are keen to know about Bob's continueing  effort in the Art Department please click HERE.

 

toast

Monday 26th February 2018

 

Since Christmas one of my pleasant tasks has been keeping the fire going 24/7, you can't beat an open fire.  Log burners are fine but a toasty fire to toast your toast on is worth the effort don't you think?  It does require a touch of skill and dedication of course but it's worth it.  And now the snow is here it is even better, but I do feel sorry for all you poor buggers out there standing at bus stops and train stations, I've been there.  But I wouldn't like you to get the idea that I'm being lazy sitting in front of the fire smoking my pipe and dangling my watch chain, far from it, for starters I have just completed a design for The Oxshott Village Sign Competition.  I'm afraid it's on the secret list at the moment but I've decided it's what I was put on this earth for so we'll have to wait until the entry deadline passes on April 13th  when all will be revealed.   In the meantime I'm waiting for the Coalman to arrive. Exhausting!

 

I could of course take my easel and paintbrushes out into the field and attempt a snow scene with frolicking lambs but ...... A, I know somebody who is already very good at that and B, my acrylics might freeze!

Wednesday 28th February 2018

 

I reckon my ancient laptop has finally given up the ghost, keeled over, gone pear shaped, brown bread, looks like rigor mortis has set in, been sitting here for an hour or so now – nothing - bit like me really.  I guess I’ll have to change my email address from robertcjones@live.co.uk to robertcjones@dead.co.uk.

 

 

Time, like an ever rolling stream

Bears all its sons away

They fly forgotten as a dream

Dies at the opening day

 

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