Monday 31st May 2021 (Bank Holiday Monday)
A blog a day keeps the macular degeneration away, so we'll see, or perhaps we won't see! Either way I'll sell the family silver which is now available for a week on Ebay if you click HERE
Tuesday 1st June 2021
I wrote a poem for today's blog but decided not to publish. Too silly for words.
Feeling sorry for the drone who's pilot flew it in to an erupting volcano. HERE.
Wednesday 2nd June 2021
Publish and be damned!
The P Word
It's flaming June already
And time to cast your clouts
But cast them not, too far away
You might need them for your sprouts?
And if your sprouts are very good
Remember to rescind
When offered more and more and more
Because you'll suffer wind.
The wind these days gives us the power
To drive to see the sea
But what's the use of that my friend
If the sea is full of P
The P is not the P that you might think
It's something much more drastic
You've guessed it right, I knew you would
It is the dreaded Plastic
But Plastic has a million uses
Even used in my old scooter
It's good for wrapping meat and hay
Including your computer.
So what are we to do today
To ensure that all is good
We'll have to go into the shed
And make everything with wood
Friday 4th June 2021
Today, not that you’re interested, but I am highly frustrated and annoyed with eBay. Why? Because for some unknown reason they have removed all my items up for auction, stopped me from messaging members and restricted my account. To resolve the situation they have asked me to supply a picture of my passport?
So, right at a time when I was negotiating substantial amounts of money, sorting situations for my customers and I was beginning to enjoy wheeling and dealing with fellow ebayers, they pull the plug.
How would you feel? Well all I can say is ********* to eBay.
And if they wish to tarnish my hard earned status as a trusted member, as they’ve threatened to do, then all I can say is ********* to eBay.
I would add that all proceeds are going to a deserving charity.
Saturday 5th June 2021
MUSTARD, NO, DROP IT, GET DOWN, DON'T DO THAT, SIT, DON'T EAT THAT, STOP, LEAVE, BASKET, STAY, HERE, HEEL, NOW, TREAT, thank you.
His extending lead only went twice round my legs, three times round two other dogs and their owner and once round a tree. Otherwise, the walk in the woods was tranquil. Apart from an aching arm and sore throat that is.
The joys of owning a boisterous Labrador are somewhat more demanding than watching 'The Joy of Painting' but he'll grow out of it - they say. But he's lovely when he's asleep.
And if you find a lottery ticket in the woods this morning it could be worth a hundred and eleven million!
Mustard's probably chewed it.
Tuesday 15th June 2021
Trawling back through this blog, on Page 14 and 16, you will find Ron and I sharing a log on Leith Hill and Hascombe Hill. We also shared an interest in all things that fly. RIP Ron.
Tuesday 22nd June 2021
The weather today and for the next few weeks is sunny, sunny and sunny, but not in Cobham.
It would be if you were lounging on the beach enjoying a café con leche and a double Ballantine’s on the beach at Santa Eularia in Ibiza. So what are you waiting for?
Friday 25th June 2021
(Weather cloudy so where do you plant a plant that likes full sun?)
6 monthe today it will be Christmas Day - just thought I'd mention it.
My neighbour has already got the Christmas lights out to complement
the glowing ivy clad lampost. Make a nice painting GJ?
Sunday 27th June 2021 (Weather extremely noisy)
Tell me Sam what would you do if a near neighbour (who you'd never met) decided to erect a large tent and fill it full of chest thumping, ear-splitting, gut-wrenching, relentless bangs and screeches that went on all afternoon, evening and right through until gone midnight? The type of noise that shakes the birds and squirrels from the trees, the plaster from the ceiling and frightens cats, dogs, hedgehogs, babies, the vulnerable and old people for miles around?
Water cannon? Exocet missiles? Molotov cocktails? ICBM's? Nukes? SAS? Wolves? Crocodiles? Or ring 101?
'We are experiencing a high volume of calls this evening, please hold to keep your place in the queue'. Etc. Ad infinitum.
If it was Glen Miller or Karen Carpenter, no problem!
Monday 5th July 2021 (Weather, brooding)
According to my namesake 'The best way to do things hasn't been invented yet. And more to the point, the best way for you to do things is your way, and not someone else's'. Now where have I heard that before? Actually Sam it is quite profound if you think about it. In my mind it prompts the question, has the worst way to do things been invented yet? And the answer to that is obviously not, but I'm working on it!
Wednesday 7th July 2021 (Weather pretty horrible on the M25)
Attended Ron's funeral yesterday, his cute, wide eyed 3 month old great grandson stared at the rest of us in masks over his Mum's shoulder, I wonder what he was thinking. Goodbye Ron, hello little one, welcome to the world.
Friday 9th July 2021 (Weather, not much)
I don't know about you but I'm getting an increasing number of texts, emails and phone calls from people on the scam. Haven't a clue what to do about it except ditch the phone, computer and broadband, write letters and send them via pony-express - bliss? But if you've got a better idea give me a call, text or email.
Saturday 10th July 2021
Weather for Onshore Waters. Cobham Mill to Downside Mill including the Running Mare channel. Variable 2 to 4. Smooth, occasionally slight. Showers, fog patches later in north. Moderate or good, occasionally very poor later.
Thank you Sam. Now here are the headlines. Tomorrow might be the best day for some since 1966 - but it might not.
Sunday 11th July 2021 (Weather, OK)
It has come to my attention that dialling up Google Maps to get you from A to B can lead you up the garden path, so, rather than watch tennis or football pay attention.
The way to navigate is to fish out an old 1953 map of Teesdale printed on cloth, zoom in on Darlington or Gilling Beck and dream about the time when you used to be taken to Feethams by your Granddad to watch Darlington play Middlesbrough or tickle trout in Gilling Beck with your Uncle Bill.
Getting there was easy, rather than rely on a system that doesn't have a brain, commit your map to memory, be aware of where the North Pole is using the sun, moon, Polaris, wind, moss or compass and bingo.
PS If you don't have a memory there's something called paper and pencil.
You can of course jump on The Flying Scot at Kings Cross but don't put your head out the window in a tunnel. You might get soot in your eye.
FOUR SHILLINGS NET.
BY APPOINTMENT TO THE LATE KING GEORGE V.
Monday 12th July 2021 (Weather - plenty)
Just in case you didn’t know, last night England got beaten by Italy in the Euro 2020 final at Wembley. But also, in case you didn’t know, we won the World Cup in 1966, I remember it well. I got married that year.
Thursday 15th July 2021 (Weather, as you like it)
My first visit to Camber Sands for 51 years went without a hitch, except that the birds on the beach ignored me!
I would recommend travelling by train - smooth, on time, cheap as chips (if you buy advance tickets), comfortable and relaxing.
I don't suppose this blog will have any effect on ticket sales, or anything else for that matter. But you never know.
PS. Thanks to the lovely young lady who drove the train very carefully from Eastbourne to Clapham Junction and thanks to the lovely young man who offered to lift an old codger's case down on to the platform at Surbiton, the old codger is not quite as old as he looks. But nearly!
Saturday 17th July 2021 (Weather, sun screen required, especially on babies legs in forward facing pushchairs)
Safe in the knowledge that nobody reads this drivel Sam, I would like to report that the new Oxshott Village Sign Plaques were fitted by yours truly today with full approval from all who matter. If you happen to be passing you will note that they are slightly off centre, this is deliberate as the macular degeneration in one eye is not as bad as I thought it was, also, 'slightly off centre' is in this year. The main thing is that now, you can actually read them.
Sunday 18th July 2021 (Weather, looks like it will be another hot one.)
It has come to my attention that the surface of the planet has been divided up into 3 metre squares and each square has been given a name. The name consists of 3 words and can be translated into 47 languages. For example, my bird bath is in Shape.Stable.Wiser but my Bramley apple tree is in Safe.Scarf.Reply and my letter box is in Cakes.Stages.Lasts.
So, if you locate Simply.Full.Lion you will find yourself within 3 metres of The Oxshott Village Sign but if you are in Cudgel.Playing.Jotting you will find yourself in the middle of The Atlantic Ocean, so be careful. My question is that if you are in Skinny.Orchestra.Wonderfully which floor are you on? The mind boggles.
It can be found on what3words.com if you really want to know.
Tuesday 20th July 2021 (Weather, sweaty but not as sweaty as Oregon.)
Dear Children and Grandchildren,
During this uncertain period of covid, brexit, over population, climate change, cyber wars, fake news and arguing politicians I would recommend making friends with a tree. If you don't have one in your neighbourhood then plant one. There will be plenty of seeds in Oxshott Woods. My friend is in Case.Basket.Hugs. And just for the record Basket.Case.Hugs is not far from Dublin!
Love from Grandfather.
Thursday 22nd July 2021 (Weather, another hot day)
I had some really interesting news to report today but I've forgotten what it was, too hot to think. Sorry about that Sam, I know you really look forward to my blogs, I think! Just remembered what it was, I sold my bike on Ebay yesterday and the guy reckoned I was a 'superb seller'. My cup runneth over.
Saturday 24th July 2021 (Weather, cool and comfortable)
I'd love to be able to produce an interesting blog like Spitalfields Life.com but I can't so you'll have to put up with this amazing stuff -
I've been thinking about the App, What3words.com mentioned earlier which divides the planet up into 3 metre squares and each square is given a name. In case you haven't done your homework the number of 3 metre squares required to cover the planet is 57 trillion, in other words (or numbers) is 57,000,000,000,000, The square I am in at the moment is called blast.void.hush (by the way I'm looking after Ted the cat while his parents are away) Ted the cat is, I think, in sport.teeth.detail but he might be chasing a mouse in sung.burns.voting or he might be having a word with his friend Rosie in never.woke.cats. I'm sure you agree that this is really.useful.information which is in the middle of the wilderness east of Quebec or ground.freaking.stuff which is in the middle of the jungle of Eastern Malawi. I'm sure it's very useful to whoever is in lost.person.with who can be found in Western Australia just east of Perth. king.amazing.stuff don't you think? (it's in the Cheyenne River Reservation in South Dakota!)
Sorry.about.that (is in the middle of the Monash Freeway in Melbourne). I could go on but I'll leave it there.
I've gone.painting.with G in Japan just East of Tokyo, see you there.
Sunday 25th July 2021 (Weather, thundery downpours)
blog.today.missing (it's somewhere in The Allegheny National Forest in Northern Pennsylvania.)
healing.hand.works so they tell me. (near Mount Hope, South Australia)
Tuesday 27th July 2021 (Weather, April showers)
Looking at that I expect somebody is going to tell me I’m lifeless, heartless, unlovely, unhealthy, thoughtless and hopeless – but fate and fortune will one day come my way. Just been to Waitrose and bought a lottery ticket!
Wednesday 28th July 2021 (Weather, even heavier downpours)
If you are a Professor of Piano there is a great job for you at The Yehudi Menuhin School advertised on walktowork. The job pays £43,000 p.a. and you can walk there if you don’t live too far away. Closing date is Friday 13th August at 9 am. I won’t be applying because I’m too old and I can only play I can’t give you anything but love – baby.
Friday 6th August 2021 (Weather - Thundery showers - cool.)
A visit to A Yorkshire Farm and THE Yorkshire Farm.
This is Mabel, the cute little Border Terrier who will welcome you to her delightful holiday cottage called ‘Brow View Cottage’ near Kirkby Stephen. She is 12 years old and will, despite her age, disappear down a rabbit hole at the drop of a hat given half a chance.
The view from Brow View Cottage, believe it or not, is of a brow of a hill across the farmyard which is one of thousands of hills forming the magnificent, brooding, wild, forbidding Yorkshire Dales not far from ‘Jane Eyre’ country.
Dotted amongst the hills are a myriad of sheep, stone walls, stone cottages, babbling brooks, cascading water falls and villages that will have you searching ‘Rightmove’ as soon as you get back from your holiday.
But, unfortunately you are too old to do anything about it, aren’t you?
As you may remember my mother was called Mabel and was from these parts so Mabel the Terrier might well be a relation!
Back in 1950 when I was eleven my Uncle Bill took us in his black Ford Anglia to one of the upland villages called Reeth in Swaledale. He took us into the Kings Arms and asked me to choose anything from the menu, I chose beans on toast. The memory stuck. Re-visiting The Kings Arms I wasn’t allowed beans on toast but a coffee on the green was enjoyed along with a surreptitious tipple from a flask. We said hello to Ronnie the Labradoodle who didn't let on that his surname was Barker.
Having soaked up the views and atmosphere in the sunshine on the village green at Reeth we headed north across the bleak moorland to Tan Hill which is the highest and remotest pub in England. The cosy bar was the same as it was on our last visit 50 years ago complete with the same log fire flickering in the grate. But the plastic, heated, ‘Eden Project’ style mini pods dotted about outside didn't quite do it. A pint of ale in front of the log fire was allowed.
The following day a trip to THE YORKSHIRE FARM to meet the inspiring Clive, Amanda and their 9 kids and two dogs didn’t disappoint those who are in awe of ‘TV celebrities’.
The family made all their visitors very welcome and provided tea and scones from a kiosk manned, or womanned, by Raven, the eldest.
Surprisingly Amanda had never heard of The Oxshott Village Sign but she agreed to pose for a few pictures – awesome!
There are many other things to see and do in the area, including sample the mountainous portions of roast lamb at ‘The Fat Lamb’ at Ravenstonedale but don’t forget to check your bill. Bits and pieces from old familiar motors are displayed on every wall and shelf at The Fat Lamb including twin SU carburetors from my old MG, steering wheels, radiators, oil cans and oil covers but 'Please Don't Touch'. Or stroke lovingly!
To get there and back, hopping on and off buses, taxi's, trains at Surbiton, Waterloo, Kings Cross, Leeds, Skipton and Kirkby Stephen will be required but if you need a chaperone you know where to come.
Thanks to Dan, Helen and Lottie for allowing the old codgers to muscle in on their holiday.
Saturday 7th August 2021 (Weather - rubbish for August, not good for campers, glampers or yurters.)
I don't usually blog about the future but if I disappear for a few days in September I can be found in The Kings Arms up in Reeth, let me know if you want to join me. Beans on toast?
Incidentally I've just discovered that the contact email link doesn't always work which explains why I don't get emails from this site - maybe. Sorry about that, if you copy and paste it should work. I'll try to fix it.
21.45 Sunday 8th August 2021 (Weather - dark, no change, central heating on.)
Dear Reader, Thanks for reading. Love and hugs, Bob. (PS. Had a lovely lunch in chops.limp.river today.)
Monday 7th June 2021
Yesterday I bought a bunch of old coins on eBay, a Fiat 500 on Gumtree, a ticket to Kirkby Stephen on Trainline, a box of pills on Bodykind, some blotting paper on Amazon, a flight to Seattle on BA and signed up for Gym Classes in Weybridge. I didn't mean to, it's just that my finger's a bit wobbly, my eyesight is a bit iffy and my iPad is a touch too sensitive. I think I'd better stick to gardening Sam.
Tuesday 8th June 2021
I've added another card to my gallery but please don't look at it until June 12th.
Wednesday 9th June 2021
Waiting, I've decided is good. Went to the dentist today, she said 'all good, come back Christmas'. Waiting for Christmas.
Sunday 13th June 2021 (Weather hot and getting hotter)
Today I've been waiting for inspiration to do something. Blogging or anything else but I guess I'll have to wait a bit longer.
Monday 14th June 2021
Today, I have been inspired but you'll have to wait a bit longer for results. It's good to wait. It gives you time to reflect.
Regular readers may recall Ron who featured in many hiking stories. Sadly, Ron died last week so let's hear it again for Ron.
Wednesday 16th June 2021 (Weather hot and humid)
Waiting For The Rain.
Back in September 1968 when I arrived in Seattle to work for Boeing I visited friends who lived in Thunder Hill Apartments high above Renton. The view from their balcony was of Interstate 5 snaking North towards Canada and South towards Oregon. It was night time and the strings of red and white lights stretching to the horizon was never ending. It is a site and sound that has never left me.
Tonight, in Cobham, I can hear the same sound drifting on the wind from the M25 a mile away. The sound comes from millions of tyres carrying millions of vehicles being driven by millions of internal combustion engines and perhaps a small percentage of electric motors. I don't think there is a Thunder Hill in Cobham Sam but I reckon there should be.
Friday 18th June 2021 (Weather raining)
Waiting For The Train
While I was waiting for the train in the rain and waiting for'the dust to settle' I updated the blog for Saturday 16th May 2020 on Page 23. Just thought I'd mention it.
Sunday 20th June 2021 (Weather grey and cold.)
Waiting for the Right Time to Sell.
If you're wondering what happened to the family silver mentioned above, I've decided to keep it and wait until the market for EPNS goes through the roof. I might be waiting a long time but that's OK, I now enjoy waiting and by the way, this family silver comes with a detailed provenance of how it survived two world wars and all the mouths it has feed. Priceless!
In the mean time Lady Mary there's a bike on an eBay auction which you might find of interest. But you'll have to be QUICK.
Monday 21st June 2021 (Summer Solstice) (Weather cold, wet and windy)
Waiting for Summer but not too optimistic. Bought a Set for Death sorry Set for Life lottery ticket, first prize £10,000 a month for 30 years but what I do after that Sam? Get a job?
Friday 2nd July 2021 (Weather grey but cosy)
If your name is Susie Jo and it's your birthday soon you are in for a treat.
But if your name is not Susie Jo and you would like a hug then you are in for a treat!
Lots of love, hugs and unrestricted kisses,
Boris (but don't forget to WALKTOWORK) (and/or click on the card)
Saturday 3rd July 2021 (Current Weather Radar HERE)
Rather than watch tennis, cricket or football you can always click HERE and watch live from a webcam on top of the roof of The London Transport Flying Club at Fairoaks Airfield, you can tell it's live because if you look carefully you can see the grass growing! And if you were watching on Saturday19th March 1966 at 5.20pm you would have seen me taking off on my first solo. Too much information.
And if you are still looking for a few ideas, look no further! Not me I hasten to add.
18.40 Monday 9th August 2021 (Weather - not too bad.)
I've never seen so many sheep at Polesden Lacey, there's hundreds more under that Copper Beech. They all seemed contented and completely oblivious of passers by or the news today that due to climate change roast lamb and mutton is off the menu. You would think that they would be jumping for joy - wouldn't you?
Incidentally the picture was taken in lunch.lasted.tiny and the Copper Beech is in evenly.oils.under. The sheep standing up is in stays.budget.sofa.
Continued on Page 28.