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Bob's Blog Page 45

   Page 44   

You are reading Page 45 of Bob's Blog/diary/dream/story/journey/novelistic memoir.

He is 85 years old and counting.

He is also very much aware that this blog is of no significance whatsoever -

at the time of writing!






Thursday 2nd May 2024.

I'm still struggling to make this rubbish more phone friendly so bear with me.

Sorry, more sanitary details today I'm afraid.  Last night in my back garden it was thunder, lightening and heavy rain for quite a long time.   The gutters were struggling to cope and seemed to be overflowing into my bedroom. I couldn't be bothered to find out what the hell was going on but in the morning I discovered that my catheter bag had emptied itself into the bucket.  I'd forgotten to close the drain valve,  good job I had it in a bucket.  Don't worry the catheter bag is coming out next Wednesday, they do have advantages but not many.  I wasn't going to mention it but you can blame the storm.

I've now got to get on with another birthday card so catch you later.

Friday 3rd May 2024.

Apologies for unsavoury blogs.  Today is Happy Birthday to our Special Angel.  She was conceived in the US and born in the UK.  I've often wondered if she should have a dual passport.  Whoops!

For me the task today is to walk without a walking stick. My food intake is improving dramatically so returning to my gazelle like body is the aim.  My mate Tony held the world record for hurdling for over 80's for years, check him out, Tony Bowman Hurdler.  I plan to lift the world record!  Yet to get my taste buds back but are least I can now taste the difference between prunes and broccoli.

Lets dream about sunshine as it's dull as ditch water in my back garden.


Monday 6th May 2024.


Do you remember the story I told you about the old man and the old lady who were in A and E together?  He was giving birth and she was fighting for life, well sadly she is still in hospital trying to come to terms with the fact that her left side is pretty much lifeless and she doesn't believe that she'll ever get better.   The old man's condition is gradually improving, so much so, that he decided he was well enough to visit her.  He was whisked over to the hospital by his son and the pair got very emotional.   She whispered to him 'can you get hold of Dignitas?  He turned to his son and said 'what's Dignitas'?  His son explained and the old man fleetingly thought that he could get a two for the price of one deal but just before he dialled the number Angel Christine from Motherwell appeared, took both of them by the hand and transported them via a kaleidoscope of colours to a tranquil lake surrounded by blackbirds and black Labradors.   Angel Christine's voice reminded the old lady of bagpipes, sporrans and kilts and talked of her daughter who married a Japanese student engineer who worked in Iraq and Sullom Voe.  The old lady's smile returned, the old man dreamed of Pipe Supports at Sullum Voe and the old lady floated off into a deep sleep aided by the recorded voice of her hypnotherapist daughter on her old phone.

The old man drew another birthday card and sent this off to The European Commission for Research and Innovation

I would like an honest assessment of my 'innovative' proposal for generating energy from the surface of the tidal stream.   This proposal has been developing for many years with input from the academic community and others.   Full details on my web page


Tuesday 7th May 2024.

Needless to say The European Commission came back with a couple of months of form filling before they would even look at it, however, in case I pop off I have decided to tell you 'wot's 'appening Cherry' so's you know.  I've now sent this to The Royal Yachting Association.

Good Morning,
Can you help?

As an ex member of the RYA, I would appreciate any input from any current member, as to the viability of my proposal for generating energy from the surface of the tidal stream.  This proposal has been developing for many years with input from the academic community and others.  It has been acclaimed as 'interesting' and 'ingenious' by many and ignored by many.  I am seeking an honest assessment and hopefully a way forward to trials and 'proof of concept'. 

Full details on my web page or please see attached PDF.

Kind regards,

Robert Jones. Retired Engineer Surrey, UK.
(I am now virtually housebound)

Wednesday 8th May 2024.

I did get some critical comments which were answered but where it's going who knows?  At least now it seems to be taken seriously. 


In the mean time the old man decided to go for a drive, he backed the Duster approximately 18 inches in order to be more considerate to passing pedestrians.  He also had his catheter removed along with many other old codgers who were waiting for things to happen.  The prize was the first glass of Guinness for a month or two, his taste buds are returning.  He was declared on the right path by both the oncologist and the dietician but still a long way to go, he hasn't thrown his walking stick away yet!

Thursday 9th May 2024.

I'd like to thank all you Angels out there who seem to find this blogette of interest.  Who'd have thought that instead of searching for an Air B and B in Cornwall or booking a trip to Cootamundra the old couple are searching Gumtree for a couple of wheelchairs?   The old codger achieved another milestone today, he strode down the village to buy some fresh Icelandic cod from Jimmy The Fish swinging his walking stick.  He was dreaming about Formula 1 wheelchairs!

Friday 10th May 2024 (4am)

You may remember that the old man had his catheter out a couple of days ago. Well, since then passing of Guinness has been difficult and at times extremely difficult so today he will be presenting himself, once more, to A and E Epsom.  The outcome might be no more income.  But at least he managed to finish another couple of birthday cards to be revealed later. Meanwhile the old lady remains comfortable but cheesed off with her predicament.  She will be even more cheesed off when she learns that the old man is once more downstairs being relieved.  The above may not come to pass but the old man hopes it will.  You couldn't make it up!


Bluebells at White Down

Saturday 11th May 2024.

Incidentally,  the above picture won an 'Editors Pick Award' on BBC Weather Watchers, no prizes, just fame!

Yesterday, the old man spent another 4 hours in A and E but it was worth it, nothing more than an antibiotic couldn't fix so relief all round.  

A visit upstairs (no walking stick) to cheer up the old lady was emotional.  Despite her predicament she was able to say naughty things, issue instructions and dream about days gone by.  The prospect of a complete recovery has not gone away.  Others around her, sadly, do not have that prospect.  The old man survived his first night alone since 1966 without incident.  His ideas of a Saturday night waltzing around The Castle Ballroom at Richmond, Hammersmith Palais or The Orchid, Purley were short lived when he looked in the mirror.  Learning to cook porridge was a much better option.

Sunday 12th May 2024.

A spin along the empty M25 in her wheelchair yesterday did wonders for the old lady, a breath of fresh air and sunshine without fumes was uplifting, a long way to go but a good start.  Meanwhile the old man cooked himself a roast chicken dinner (180 C for 25 minutes) the whiskey went down the sink.  Don't worry it was only Famous Grouse!  Sacré bleu.

Welcome to Angels Charlotte and Chelle to this blogette, it's macaroni cheese today with chips and other stuff followed by a movicol!


Monday 13th May 2024.

You will, of course, notice that the whiskey bottle is empty, The old man had enjoyed The Famous Grouse many, many times before his taste buds were shot.  There was a wee half a dram left which was yearning to be tasted but sadly it burned the inside of his mouth and ruined the taste of the roast.  He'll have to wait another month, or so, before he will be able to enjoy The Famous Grouse again Cherry.  Phew!  The silver packet on the left is his antibiotic which is supposed to cure the stinging in a sensitive place but it ain't working, that's why he is bloggetting at 2am.  

Meanwhile, the old lady continues to battle bravely reminding the old man that his troubles are nothing.  She is right.

Wednesday 15th May 2024.

Contemplating Stannah Stair Lifts, grab rails, wet rooms and wheelchairs is not the greatest prospect for the old couple, the old man would rather go and live with the Badgers but that probably wouldn't suit the old lady.  Perhaps the answer might be to check in to a Care Home for old Badgers?

Yesterday, the old lady was moved into a Rehabilitation Ward so perhaps none of the above will be needed, a daily jog around Oxshott Woods looking for Badgers could be the answer.

Thursday 16th May 2024.

It's a Happy Birthday today to our first Special Angel, apart from achieving a First Class Honours Degree in Art and Fabric Design in her mid fifties she's teaching the old man how to use the cooker and washing machine, he pretends he doesn't know!  Dish washing, no problem.

Friday 17th May 2024.

The Old Codger has decided that nobody understands his Revolutionary Idea for generating energy from the surface of the tidal streams so, he will be building a model in his shed.  He will start by digging a tidal trench from The Crab and Lobster, Pagham Harbour to his shed in Cobham in order to demonstrate Horizontal Gravity.  Horizontal Gravity, one day, will become 'The Universal Force' which will power everything and people will say 'Why didn't I think of that?'  It must be the Movicol!

Saturday 18th May 2024.

Happy birthday Tim.  

Yesterday, the now ever so slightly, sprightly old man took his beloved wife for a long ride in the wheelchair.  The route took them through the sun dappled glades of the jungle behind Epsom Hospital, past a moorhen/duck/coot pond (and possibly a Hippopotamus pond) and out into the psuedo Tudor tree lined streets of the more opulent parts of  Epsom.  A white feather floated gently down from above and landed in the old lady's lap, was it another Angel?  The old lady began to muse about being able to afford to live in a not plot dominant mock Tudor dwelling but said nothing in case the old man accidentally tipped her in the Hippo pond.

The now ever so slightly, sprightly old man noticed a 150ft high brick Victorian chimney being demolished in the hospital grounds, it's previous use can only be guessed at, he thought briefly that he might impress by doing a Fred Dibnah up the chimney, but only briefly!

jungle walk.jpg

Sunday 19th May 2024.

If you missed Elvis last night, you don't know what you are missing, his 1968 Comeback Concert is on iPlayer.  The now ever so slightly, sprightly old codger was dancing around with his favourite chair.  He had previously that day driven to brunch at Pyrford and then to check on his young lady in Epsom Hospital without mishap, who knows what's next?  

Monday 20th May 2024.

The nearly rejuvenated old man visited his young lady in hospital again yesterday and found her bravely accepting her situation despite the lack of port side stability.  Thoughts of getting a Sara Stedy (that's a clever device for scooping up those who are unable to scoop themselves up and transport themselves to Waitrose) are being considered.  As is the possibility of the old man making one in his shed.  The old man is still on Movicol, Lactulose, Laxido, Sennasides, Figs, Prunes, Guinness and Baked Beans in order to regain normality, just for the record.  He also visited his great grandparents in the graveyard on the way back from the hospital, thoughts of a Sara Stedy were far from his mind.  Instead they were on another birthday card.


Tuesday 21st May 2024.

Time flies, time heals and time goes by relentlessly, fortunately.  The Angels were busy yesterday, they helped the challenged young lady make a cup of tea In the Rehabilitation Room and sent the challenged young man to sleep before he got to the bottom of 'the elegant, marble flight of steps.  The ten broad steps leading down to a beautiful sunken garden.  A garden where you sense peace, wellbeing and comfort'.  ZZZZ.

Wednesday 22nd May 2024.

The above in italics is part of a 15 minute relaxation (send you to sleep) talk by one of our Angels.  Available on request.

A solid day of achievement yesterday  The old man washed the Duster, fitted new wiper blades, pumped up the tyres and topped up the screen wash ready for a trip to Oxford (the Duster, not the old man, more on that later).  The old lady is looking more like a young lady every day despite her punishing schedule of physiotherapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy.  Thank the Heavens, the Lord, the Spirits and the Angels there's no more radio therapy.

Thursday 23rd May 2024.

Yesterday, Bob's sprightly young wife was issued with a bespoke wheelchair, wheeled into the Gym stood up and threw a ball backwards and forwards to the Physiotherapist.  Bloody amazing.

Today is Happy Birthday to Bob's mum Mabel Conway, she was born in 1906 in Sleaford, Lincolnshire.  The family moved to 21, Harrison Terrace, Darlington in 1912.  She was one of eight all living in a two up, two down with an outside toilet.  In the early 30's she left home and sought adventure in Oxshott, she took a job as an upstairs maid with Sir Robert McAlpine in Knott Park, she met Bob's father, Reg, who was working as a downstairs gardener.  Sadly, she died in 1968 two days before her 62nd birthday.  She could play one tune on the piano. It went like THIS.  Bloody amazing.

Today, her 85 year old son poured the milk into the teapot.  Bloody amazing!

Friday 24th May 2024.

Not for publication.  Today, the old man will be returning to normal underwear after months in nappies.  The reason is that he feels he doesn't need them anymore and also he has a CT scan later today.  He hopes his decision is the right decision.

He also designed and built a jackdaw, magpie, pigeon, parakeet and squirrel proof bird feeder but it's also not for publication until tried and tested.

Bob's Blog Page 45

   Page 44   

You are reading Page 45 of Bob's Blog/diary/dream/story/journey/novelistic memoir.

He is 85 years old and counting.

He is also very much aware that this blog is of no significance whatsoever -

at the time of writing!





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