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easter bunny

Tuesday 9th April 2019


Lottie refused to have her picture taken in her Easter Bonnet so .......... enough said except that sticks and stones may break my bones but rude comments will never hurt me Lucy.  Back in 1963 which seems like yesterday, especially when you are playing 'Livin' Doll' on vinyl, I didn't realise how lucky we were.  On-line abuse was nothing more than Mrs Next Door hanging her washing in a provocative manner, Social Media was reading someone else's newspaper on the train between Oxshott and Surbiton, Instagram was a postman on a bike, Twitter was noises emanating from a bush,  Face Book was instruction number 4 when reading the lesson, cookies were American Biscuits and climate change was when it stopped or started raining.  Back then I had a soft top, split screen Morris Minor which sounds  really high tech but in fact she was a rust bucket with a leaking floor, dodgy steering and brakes but she got me to and from Reigate and Clapham which was all that mattered but I didn't realise it at the time.  Do you detect a touch of nostalgia creeping in or is it dementia?

Friday 19th April 2019 (Good Friday)


Much to my disappointment I had another eye injection yesterday, largely unexpected, this time the lady consultant instead of the nurse did it.  I'm not saying she didn’t know what she was doing but it bloody well hurt and I'm left with a giant black football floating around inside my retina which blots out everything when I look down.  When I'm lying on my back the football or perhaps more descriptively planet Zog with its closely orbiting moon disappears so lying down all day seems the best option.  


I posted the above on a website I've just discovered called Health Unlocked click HERE to give it a try.  A great idea but is it just another platform for extracting information from you so they can sell you something Sam?  


And if you are interested in the progress of The Oxshott Village Sign well you're in luck.   This is Nick preparing to add the gold leaf, fascinating don't you think?  And if you need more of a fix click HERE 


We're all being made to feel guilty about climate change, activists disrupting people rushing around trying to solve the problem.   David Attenborough telling us it's too late.  Children on strike.  Calamitous weather around the globe.  Methane bursting out from all over the place.  How much more evidence do we need Donald?  This Easter weekend will probably add another few million tons of greenhouse gasses to the atmosphere.  So what can we do Sam?  Any ideas?  What was that?  Something about cremation?

OVS in the making

Sunday 28th April 2019


Dear Reader


Deflated, dissapointed, cheesed off, depressed, dispirited, disheartened, mortified are just a few of the feelings I have to come to terms with.   Why?  Because nobody bought one of my magnificent works of art that have been on display in the Limping Fox for six b****y weeks!  How can this be?   Unlike you, Mrs G, I've decided I'm c**p at painting, that's why.  My only consolation is that nobody else sold a painting.  So, it's either join another Art Group or give up the idea of making a fortune with a paintbrush.  Back to the drawing board.


Meanwhile some bright spark solved the parking problem in Cobham High Street yesterday which caused a bit of a stir.  Amazing the lengths that some people will go to in order to keep off the double yellows!  


And don't forget it's the unveiling of The Oxshott Village Sign at 12.00 midday on Friday 10th May.  If you can make it I'll buy you a Babycham in The Oxshott (Mens) Club which is opening especially for the occasion, tea and coffee on the house.


Lots of love



car 1
car 2

Saturday May 4th 2019


You musn't look at this before the unveiling on May 10th !


But you won't tell anyone will you Mrs G?


Friday May 10th 2019


On behalf of my family and I,  I would like to send a big thank you to all who voted for my design in the Oxshott Village Sign Design Competition


Also I'd like to thank John Early Cook for hiring my Great Grandfather and Grandfather in the 1800''s as Brickmakers in the Oxshott Brickworks, Sir Robert McAlpine or (Concrete Bob) who used to live in Knott Park for hiring Reg Jones and Mabel Conway (from Darlington) in the mid 1930's - hence me, The Royal Kent School for 6 years of school dinners from 1944 to 1950, I can remember every one of them!  Thanks also to The Oxshott (Mens) Club for a misspent youth around the Snooker Table - not really!


And finally many thanks to Felicity Bond and Graham Tillotson of The Oxshott Village Sign Society and all who contributed to the project and not least Rod Fender and his team from Black Forge Art for making The Sign happen.


Thank you Oxshott.


Robert Jones  May 10th 2019.


I can die happy now!

at last

Sunday 26th May 2019


Happy, that is, if I had have been involved in the final design discussions but I'm not bitter and twisted, honestly.  Life's too short for petty criticisms, right Sam?  But if the brick had been made to the right proportions - 9 x 4 x 3 and the War Memorial looked like The War Memorial ....... and ....... and ........ and ......... and ......... and ........ and ........ and ......


The last thing we need now is a leadership contest for the Tory party and what have we got?  A leadership contest for the Tory party, I guess the rest of the world must look on in disbelief.  Poor old Mrs May got it wrong but who's to say anybody else has the right answer?  Perhaps we could have a referendum for every question asked in The House of Commons?  Now there's an idea, what do you think Sam?  Let me know what you think, I'm just off to weed my carrots.



Monday 3rd June 2019


Yesterday was another trip down memory lane, or more precisely, a short hike with children and grandchildren from Burford Bridge Hotel to the Stepping Stones at the bottom of Box Hill.  Sunday afternoon at the Burford Bridge car park is still, and always has been, a mecca for a million motor cycles and their riders strutting their stuff, flaunting their tattoos, winding up their throttles and frightening the birds, the feathered variety, that is.  The chromium plated hardware on display is a sight to behold, I'm jealous!


It's around 55 years since I last stood on the Stepping Stones, back then I tripped across with ease admiring the view, yesterday I put one foot on the first Stone, thought better of it and decided to take the bridge.  Do you detect a touch of nostalgia here?  Or is it dementia?


Well it seems like yesterday.

Sunday 16th June 2019


Blogging about a wet and windy week in North Norfolk waiting for buses and trains in the rain would, you may think, be a touch boring but it wasn't boring at all.  It was probably up there with the most relaxing, bracing, challenging and satisfying week ever.  Relaxing because no car, no parking, no petrol and no crazy drivers to worry about.  Bracing because hiking along a cliff top path in the wind and rain, which is likely to disappear from under your feet at any moment but didn't but nearly did!  Click HERE to witness an event which we missed by half an hour and half a mile.   Challenging because getting bus and train connections in the right order is a bit of a worry but satisfying when everything falls into place.  The Cromer crab sandwiches are nearly worth every penny and the sausage rolls in the Beach Cafe at Wells-next-the-Sea are definitely worth every penny and braving wind and rain for. Try it some time.  Poppyland Cottages in Overstrand are recommended and so is The Museum in Cromer it's next to the Church with the peregrine falcons nesting in the roof.  The Henry Blogg lifeboat museum is also not to be missed.  Picture of a Cromer Crab sandwich to follow.  


OK Sam it was boring but not quite as boring as the rest of this blog?

steering wheel

I've always wanted a welded chain steering wheel!

Seen at the classic car bonanza in Sheringham when the sun shone.

cromer crab

Cromer Crab sandwich with bottle of Adnams Ale seen at the Cliff Top Cafe Overstrand.

Saturday 22nd June 2019


Apart from letting my regular reader know I'm still breathing, Summer Solstice been and gone (unless of course you are in the Southern Hemisphere where it will be Winter Solstice), Boris and Jeremy (Hunt not Corbyn) think that they are the guys to get Brexit done (what a farce, talk about embarrassing) but I predict that nobody will get it done, I've got a new Oxshott Village Sign mouse mat for Father's Day, had another eye injection yesterday but the lovely lady doctor was very gentle, replaced the downstairs toilet discharge pipe this morning (with great difficulty), landed a big order for Technigraphics Systems (there will be more), decided to build an upstairs extension on top of the downstairs extension using Thermafleece Blocks, coming to terms with the fact that my driving days will soon be over, decided to move yesterday but decided not to move today but might decide to move tomorrow if I can't think of a way to switch off the neighbours, waited three and a half hours for my old lap top to burst into life, getting a bit cheesed off with the squadrons of helicopters flying backwards and forwards over Cobham to Ascot with all those guys and gals with too much money and no thought for the environment, getting REALLY cheesed off with countless telephone calls from India telling my BT Broadband will be switched off (amongst other things) if I don't pay,  don't have BT I've got super fast fibre optic Virgin piped in to my super slow laptop, Donald loosed off a missile towards Iran but changed his mind mid flight and redirected it to Mexico but didn't tweet about it, apart from that not a lot to blog about.


Wednesday 3rd July 2019


If I were an artist I would spend all day at Petersham Nurseries with my sketch book.  Lovely people, lovely coffee, lovely plants, lovely hats, lovely atmosphere.  But I'm not lovely, sorry, an artist!

petersham 2

Saturday 6th July 2019


Blogging about the Oxshott Village Sign at 4.30 am wearing your Oxshott Village Sign tee shirt, with your new Oxshott Village Sign mouse mat enjoying a cup of tea in your Oxshott Village Sign mug must be a sign (pun not intended) of something or other don't you think Sam?  Probably Oxshott Village Signitis which must be a condition brought on by eating too many freshly dug Pentland Javelin new potatoes? Jealous?  Sunflowers, carrots and beans now 7 feet high, sorry, carrots not 7 feet high, 7 feet deep!  Picture to follow.  #Summertime#.



With no idea what's to come except that his knitted bathers will probably get soggy and fall down.

Monday 8th July 2019


Dear Reader


There is much doom and gloom surrounding climate change and the future of our species on Planet Earth.  I have mentioned the problem a few times earlier in this blog and suggested a few nutty ideas for solving the problem.    The future for our children and grandchildren can indeed appear bleak if you listen to most pundits, commentators and scientists including David Attenborough all of which have to be, at least, applauded for highlighting the problem.


However,  I  have just discovered a global project which, without getting too excited, could really, REALLY make a difference and I am surprised that it, so far, has not received a lot of press.  At least it has escaped my rapidly diminishing awareness.


If you haven't yet heard of it then I'm sure you soon will.  It is THE GREAT GREEN WALL.   8,000 km of trees being planted right across the continent of Africa just below the Sahara Desert.  And that's just for starters.  Even just thinking about it is a breath of fresh air don't you think?  


To find out more please click HERE and start building your own GREAT GREEN WALL and without being too flippant my Great Green Wall of sunflowers, beans and potatoes have already blotted out the skyline.  Picture to follow.


Lots of love




Bob's Great Green Walls of Sunflowers, Potatoes and Beans.  Only a few sunflowers out at the moment but nevertheless ****** amazing don't you think?


The Great Green Wall of carrots are hiding under a great green wall of weeds and are 7cm deep and not 7 feet deep, sorry.  


Viewing strictly by appointment only and with permission from Bertie (the resident Sausage Dog) who is on security patrol amongst the Sunflowers.



Monday 15th July 2019


Earth Shattering News. In our house Thursday's are known as Fish and Bin day, fish because Jimmy the Fish drives all the way from Lowestoft with his fish and parks in the High Street and Bin because bins need to put out in the street for Friday's collection.  Well, Jimmy the Fish's van broke down half way to Cobham so no **** fish and Friday the **** bins didn't get collected so my neighbour reported 'missed bin collection' on line, Saturday a bin lorry turns up and collects his bin but leaves all the other bins uncollected, now how **** ridiculous is that?  Not only that Friday night in The Oxshott (Men's) Club talking to an old friend of mine the young lady behind the bar said 'Gentlemen, would you please  modify your language'  I'm not sure where she was directing her remark but she was **** well right to complain, It's about **** time.  Whatever next?  Saturday was Claygate Flower Show day, (been going since 1905 **** amazing), back in 1939 my mother entered me in The Baby Show there, in a **** pink dress?  Last Saturday after 80 **** years I revisited the event, nobody recognised me, now how **** earth shattering is that Sam?

Arrow black large
sunflower 3

Friday 19th July 2019


Bob's Yellow Wall seems to be making an impression on the neighbours, doesn't it make you want to paint them Mrs G?  No?  Oh! all right then perhaps you would like to paint some runner beans instead.  Sorry about the Oxshott Village Sign mug creeping in the picture.  Really sorry.

beans 2

Thursday 23rd July 2019  (Fish and Bin day)


Busy day today.  Get some fish from Jimmy the Fish (if he turns up) and put the bins out.  Phew!  Have to lie down as today is predicted to be the hottest day ever here in South East England i.e. 39 C, that's 102 F in old money would you believe?  Not only that the gentle breeze from the South West is depositing noise, fumes and pollution from the M25 less than a mile away.  I hope those poor little scraps being wheeled about in forward facing pushchairs (ought to be banned) with Mum's and Dad's glued to Social Media (ought to be banned) are not being forgotten.  Eighty years ago I was being wheeled about in a backward facing pram dodging bombs, bullets and shrapnel raining down, what's changed?


Oh yes, we have a new Prime Minister who promises to solve all the problems, great. Do you detect a note of scepticism Sam?


Lovely haystacks?

The brickfield chimney in the haze features on The Oxshott Village Sign.

In case you didn't know.

Monday 29th July 2019


At 8 am on a Monday morning in September 1955 a 16 year old fresh faced Engineering Apprentice turned up on his bike for his first day of work at Cottage Laboratories in Cobham. He had reluctantly accepted the job at £2.18s.4d a week (£2.92) having given up his aspirations of joining the RAF. He was assigned to the Model Shop, introduced to Frank the foreman also Bert, Reg and Stan and was given a grey overall, a piece of metal and a file.  He was also given a drawing of a Trople Pringed Thrast Brucket and asked to make it before he went home. Little did he realise that 64 years later (still filing) his neighbour would ask him if he had a file to sort out a rusty screw on his childs garden slide.  Fortunately he did.

Friday 2nd August 2019


Did you know that the current record for most trees planted in one day is in India, where 800,000 volunteers around the country planted over 50 million trees?  Breaking News.  Ethiopia Plants 350 Million Trees in 12 Hours, Breaking Tree-Planting Record.


Monday 12th August 2019


As I might have mentioned before the only reason I started this blog is because when I get old, wrinkly and start repeating myself I will have something to read and reflect upon.  Well, now that I'm old, wrinkly and repeating myself I have decided to pack it in.  I am also beginning to forget what I've said.  


Last evening we decided to take a stroll around Oxshott Woods to say 'Hi' to all the dogs and doggy people.  I wish they wouldn't chuck their light blue (or black) plastic bags in the bushes.  Anyway, I noticed that a few cosmetic repairs had been made to the 'Stone Bridge' (the one that features on The Oxshott Village Sign) does this mean that it has achieved Iconic status?  I also noticed that a small area in the middle of the bridge looked like it was being prepared for a brass plaque?  Could be wrong but we'll have to wait and see.


Talking of brass plaques the brass plaques screwed to The Oxshott Village Sign are a disaster - not my fault.  As Chief Designer I tried to sell the idea of a lovely (large) grey slate with lovely white engraved lettering set in a brick plinth with a lot more information on set in a bed of white stones around the base (bit like a grave stone!) but nobody listened.  A kind local business man even offered to get it done and pay for it but nobody listened.  It's on my bucket list!


Thursday 15th August 2019




Maybe I'm being a touch naive here but if we all switched off our gas boilers, turned on the immersion heater and bought a few electric fan heaters - job done?  Yes, I know that the trend recently is to ditch the hot water tank and immersion heater but you'll just have to reverse it - job done?  And while we're at it ban all petrol driven lawn mowers, hedge trimmers, chain saws, strimmers, leaf blowers etc - sorry Dan.


Friday 23rd August 2019


Dear Reader,


A Garden Centre near me has decided to introduce Parking Charges for it's customers who spend lots of money in the Garden Centre!  They have engaged a faceless, ruthless, threatening, intimidating company to 'Police' the operation and if you step out of line by only a few minutes you will be hit by an extortionate fine.  The 'Policing' company are called 'Civil Enforcement Service' and if you check out Google Reviews for 'ce-service' you will see what I mean.  This is happening all over the UK and yes, I've been caught.  But I don't have an axe to grind, honest!


Apart from that 5 year old Lottie’s first train ride to Lymington with Grandmother  and Grandfather went without a hitch, she counted 11 tunnels, one aeroplane, one cruise liner, 42 trains and pressed 19 buttons.  On the way back to Esher Grandfather decided to catch an earlier train (than booked) which wasn't acceptable to the grumpy ticket collector so they all got thrown off the train at Brockenhurst and told to wait for the next (booked) train.  An hour later on the next train the lady sat opposite couldn't stop laughing out loud at her mobile phone while another man shouted very loudly at his mobile phone while everybody else stroked their mobile phones.   Lottie was bemused and Grandfather was sad.


Lymington is lovely - just like you.



an evening stroll

An evening stroll around Polesden Lacey is recommended for the soul.

Free guided tours.

Friday 30th August 2019


Talking of Polesden Lacey, Dear Reader, was it you I saw there last Wednesday sat under a tree with your sketch book, easel and paint brush?  If it was you then I'm sorry I couldn't think of anything to say.  Nostalgia or dementia?  Why didn't we get married by the way?  Definitely dementia!

big apple 1
big apple 2

Tuesday 10th September 2019


Back in c1979 my father planted a Bramley apple tree in our back garden.  This year it produced 'The Big Apple' and this week his Great Grandson Ivan is going there to start his course at The American Academy of Dramatic Art, now how fantastic is that?  The apple weighs one and a half pounds by the way.

Oxshott Village Sign Mug - available from Old Bob's Creations,

just thought I'd mention it.

logo original

Monday 23rd September 2019


If there is anything that winds me up it is the imbeciles that you have to deal with when renewing Web domain names. in particular.  2 years ago they gave me and like an idiot I renewed it thinking it was  What a plonker!  Within hours I tried to cancel and get a refund but they refuse to communicate.   Today they tell me it will expire soon, I am confused and ought to renew it.  I've told them I am not confused, it's you who are confused, I didn't ask for it, don't want it I mistakenly renewed it so why are you telling me it is due for renewal?  Simple question?   No answer.  HELP. YAAAAGH! Calm down Bob, anticipate success and success is yours, anticipate happiness and happiness is yours.  Thanks Samantha.  Love you lots. Who the h**k is Samantha Sam?


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